Internal Hurricane

• Got in a little car wreck. Very unfortunate. Received grace. 
• Roger's excessive laughter relieved the tension of the day. He proceeded to name "Classic Mueller" moves. Not sure if I truly appreciated that or not.
• Caught up with Megan Gilmore. She made an impact on my life early in college. I appreciated seeing her and her beautiful, smart children.
• The people at the BMV must be SO tired of me. I've been there four or five times the past two weeks. Today was my last trip. Finally.
• Amazing small group: Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your giving, be motivated by heart and soul issues, those who choose to ignore conviction can receive what they want (their own hell of isolation). I really enjoyed dialoguing with Peter Luttrell and Chelsea Pickslay.

October Reflection

This October, I fell short of a lot of things. I forgot, ignored, rebelled. I closed my eyes tight, unwilling to see any profound good.

This October, I died to a lot of things.  I forgave, apologized, knelt. I opened my eyes wide, accepting the beautiful condemnation.

This October, I hope for a lot of things. I pray: praise, petition. I focus new eyes outward, learning to trust the initial blur

that comes from acquiring God's perspective
on a different level
in a new chapter of life.

This October is different from the others.
I'm more a child
and more an adult
than I've been in a long string of Octobers.

Amidst the Scramble

Crazy. The Crossing is back from break and scrambling to get a rhythm going. Thank goodness Adam simultaneously lightens the mood and addresses areas of weakness. Thank goodness Roger is quick to laugh and quicker to care about PEOPLE. Thank goodness Jovan has systems, resources, and a sacrificial heart. Thank goodness Ciera picks up every loose end in he office, the classroom, AND the family room. Thank goodness for Chris' prayers and Miriam's encouragement.

Thank goodness I paid attention in school. Thank goodness I struggled so I can relate.

So I can relate. I can relate. A phrase that means "stuff happened with me. It was sucky. I get what you're feeling." I got to speak this tiny phrase into a student and friend Thursday. Then, by God's Great grace, I got to speak a big phrase into her life. You are Loved. Capital L love. What a privilege. What good, good news. I thank my Sovereign God that I go through "sucky stuff" so I can relate.

We're Musicians, You See

Anne, Kayla, Kyla, and I created our own vocal EP of this song tonight. If you tilt your head to the left and ignore the atonal humming and laughter-snorts, you'll find yourself entranced by our quartet of voices.

Naturally, it is now my ringtone for Harmon House.

Second First Day

Press play on the tunes below. ... Good. Now read. :)

First day of the second quarter. Several students gone. In jail, out of town, in work, out of time.

Several students present. Motivated, caffeinated.

We figured out our scheduling for the quarter. My responsibility plate is FULL. The joke at our staff meeting was "Bethany has the best job security of anyone in America." Overwhelming. Challenging. Exciting.

After discovering that certain aspects of close relationships are foreign to me, I have embarked on a journey: openly communicating through conflict and choosing patient love instead of distant irritation. My housemates keep relationships as first priority. Though I will never be as relationally driven as them, I still can learn a thing or two about daily relationship-housekeeping. I have nooks in my heart that could use dusting. We discussed life, leadership, and relationship over Dairy Queen tonight.

How many times did I use the word "relationship" in that paragraph? Five. The answer is five.

On the drive from Nashville to Marion

The drive was smooth
until 69 became one lane.

I'm Learning

"... Of course we all 'have knowledge,' as you say. This 'knowledge' breeds conceit; it is love that builds. If anyone fancies that he knows, he knows nothing yet, in the true sense of knowing. But if a man loves, he is acknowledged by God." -Paul the Apostle, as quoted by Elisabeth Elliot

Knowing friends might lessen the desire to pursue relationship with them. I'm learning that with my housemates. I thought I understood relationship. These girls are [lovingly] teaching me that I'm a dummy when it comes to closeness -- intimacy. What the HECK.

"The disposition... to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self." -T.C. Upham, as quoted by Elisabeth Elliot

But then, guess what -- you can't just learn to be close in relationship. You must learn to put that relationship repeatedly in God's hands. "God, Rachel was such a gift to me today. I want to put her in my pocket forever. ... I give my relationship with her back to you." Like that. ;)

I finished Passion and Purity last night.