WHERES THE CLOSURE?!

They're all gone. I checked them out and gave them letters and watched them cry. I took down unit decs and collected their names off the laundry machines.

Then Noelle came into my room to give me some paperwork. As soon as she hugged me it came.

my grades have never looked like this before

Pulling for May Term.

Try somethin': click on the one you think is me.

Most people are tying up loose ends

I'm just balling up the yarn and shoving it under the rug.

Speaking of strands! Where in the Sam Hill is my phone charger? It's been a day or two now...

Speaking of threads! Unit shirts are IN! I'm crossing my fingers that they'll shrink. They look great, though.

Speaking of thread again! My motivation to write this paper is hanging on by one!

Speaking of strands! I just grew 50 grey hairs from being scared by Mike and Chris. Thanks, guys.

Speaking of ropes! I'd rather be climbing one of these:

to get to one of these:

TREE HOUSES ARE SO COOL! Know who lived in a tree house? Peter Pan. Know who else? Robin Hood. Sort of. Know who else? Well, I don't know.

noelle's song

That she sings as she safety pins the sweat pants I'm wearing:

"Hush little baby, don’t say a word, mama’s gunna buy you... a safety pin.

And if that safety pin don't latch, mama's gunna buy you a cookie batch.

And if that cookie batch don’t bake, mama's gunna buy you a birthday cake.

And if that birthday cake done melt, mama's gunna buy you a big brown belt.

You'll use that belt to hold up your pants, then momma's gunna do a mommy dance.

And if that dance don’t make you laugh, mamma's gunna buy you a baby calf.

And if that baby calf ain't sweet, mamas gunna cut it up... for you to eat."

While I facebook chat my mom

I have this desire to be a spoken word poet.

Wouldn't it be... awesome... to do this? Click me. I'm not saying watch the whole thing. But dwell on her words for just a minute.

mary

I thought it all died. I watched it die.

They hung up my beautiful beliefs like dirty laundry -- hung them out and laughed and watched them bleed and wilt.

It had been finished.

I thought He was the gardener until He said my name.

Now I always look for God in gardeners. He's not opposed to showing up when he's not invited or not expected or not believed in. He spoke my beliefs back into my heart in two syllables. He resurrected my hopes and gave them a body.

1/2 point

Tonight, it thunderstormed. So we flew inside.

optimistic all nighter

I'm sitting in a comfy chair. Kayla's sitting at the desk -- she likes the structure of a desk. She's sitting on my feet. I like the comfort of burrowed feet.

I'm sipping a cold double-shot zebra and a bottle of water. Kayla's got 3 beverages in front of her.

I'm listening to Glenn Miller and Sufjan Stevens. Kayla's basking in silence. Mostly because I have her headphones. But also because she needs to concentrate. ;) What a doll.

You know what just perks you up for an all-nighter? Caffeine,

a late-night walk,

a finals scream, a finals bomb explosion, and the finish line in sight.

Van Gogh painted this. I'm not in love with the painting, but I just like its tone.

bopopbow

I'm a double shot zebra caged in the library. The glenn miller band is swingin' me into a completed paper and a mammoth final.

this is a puddle

final proof

I'm looking forward to these.

chalk

We draw flowers and llamas and solar systems

in chalk.

And it breaks and our fingernails scrape nothings

into the pavement.

At first we squint to see

the difference between purple and blue,

but after a while the oceans are pink

and the grass is orange

and art becomes more subjective -- like it

should be. When you're having fun

you don't care

about yellow knees or smudgy cheeks.

You bend down and bend down and bend down

until your legs say

"I'm bending down."

Then you go inside. You don't think

about the 80% chance of rain.

You choose to think that everyone will love your work.

They'll all be curious.

They'll step on new sidewalks.

Into greener grass and brighter solar systems.

You'll make an impact until the 80% becomes 100%.

Then you'll have to do it again.

That's how you make chalk drawings.

And that's how you live.

My roommate is a squirrel. I am an elephant.

She gets candy in the mail, and then stores it on the food shelf for days. Weeks. She hoards. How am I supposed to be a good roommate with all this temptation staring me in the face?

Unit Powwow

There were 12 of us. We frolicked to the track and had a reflection walk around the track. Carrie heard we left, and sprinted across the parking lot to join us.

We sat in a circle and shared our burdens, insecurities, and lessons learned. No one talked long, but everyone was vulnerable. There was a common denominator of trust and feeling unloved or unlovable or unworthy. What a frickin' lie. These young women are so, so, so valuable.

THEN we joined a couple on top of the baseball dugout hahaha -- we shared moments of joy and thankfulness. I wish I had some way to express how thankful I am for these girls. I wish I had words that would assure them how much better college gets. How being vulnerable and not being afraid of breaking makes the healing and the growing seem like the best thing EVER. How they've got the most unique personalities and gifts that are a BLESSING. I wish I could hand them my God-shaped glasses so they could see how beautiful they are. Man, they are beautiful.

On our way back, a couple girls got ankle deep in the retention pond. Their reserve and giddiness just got to me: I dove in. We were in the middle of everybody getting in when a cop drove slowly by. So we moseyed on back to North.

Carrie, Kendra, Shannon, Chelsea, Jess, Hailey, Rachel, Reghan, Casey, Cat, Ashley, and Mary Beth. Great moments.

oreo

Black - My heart aches for my family. Which isn't bad.

White - God gave me beautiful friends with index fingers that point up.

Black - Sometimes I doubt myself and my choices. When I trust my value, I doubt other people's ability to appreciate it. Dannng, Bethany.

White - Dr. Buck said he knew I was intelligent, even when I can't keep things together.

Black - I need to plug my lesson plan into a lesson plan formaaaat

White - 20 minutes. I got this. Go.

Green or Light Yellow?

The llama will be on the back corner.

After this, I'm eating a poptart or somethin'

My land, the Senior Reading was long -- but it was fun being part of the "English people" for a couple minutes... hours. Introducing Jeanette was such an honor and watching her bask in the nod of the faculty was a pleasure.

I like our faculty from a distance. They intimidate me and, because I know I haven't always given 100% in the department, I tend to isolate myself away from them. I feel like they've seen my potential shine through cracks in the wall, but I haven't fulfilled their expectations. I've kept up that wall. That's something to keep in mind.

I wish my schedule was different. I don't get back to the dorm until late. I want to play with my unit.

relieved

Well, life is just kaleidoscope-turning. It looks beautiful, but it's a little confusing and uncertain.

I just ate a king-sized Kit Kat bar. Now I haveta go study for a test. Gimme a break.

:]