Left foot, blue. Right hand, idle.

On one hand, I haven't been working with focus.

On the other hand, I've been filling out -- CRAP! I knew I was forgetting something. Weekly reports. -- recommendations, sending of e-mails, and editing papers.

On one hand, Julie and I had to call our Twister match a draw.

On the other hand, we taught a group of freshmen the Interlude.

On one hand, sunday school means waking up an hour earlier.

On the other hand, Pat did a great job with the message. He's made a covenant. We've been promised life and fulfillment in Him. Not half baaad.

On one hand, tea time with Zach, Danielle, Kayla, Anne, Mike, Chris, etc. had to be cut short because of 1st Floor Party.

On the other hand, I love seeing the smiling faces of Shannon, Chelsea, Mary Beth, Rachel, Hailey, Carrie, Libby, Jess, Ashley, Kendra, Jenna, Jess (Alford), and Casey.

"Woke up- wish I was in bed-

with an achin' in my head. I lay motionless in bed."

One day, when I'm old, I'll fully value breakfast in all it's early-birded goodness. For now, I've been learning to tolerate it -- an improvement! I celebrated my success at 9 this morning. North Hall alumn, Kayla, and myself went to J & L. Which, I'm pretty sure, stands for "Jimmy-rig" and "Legit." As in, "I can Jimmy-rig these pamcakes so they're RULL cheap and Legit all at the same time. We got to sit at the biggest table they has there, but even then we were split into two groups. Despite the minorest of setbacks - splitting into two groups / second hand smoking / 9 am - it was a good start to the day.

Did I take a nap later? Yes. Did I mean to sleep from 3 to 4:30? No. Do I regret that decision? Never.

And now, a brief interview with myself:

Did you go to small group today at Bethany and Michael's B & B? Well, yes I did.

Is their dog a creature? Yes, yes it is. I call her "Junipig."

Will you run their B & B one day? Haha, only time will tell, Bethany. But I wouldn't mind it! Wink.

Did you get an opportunity to feel like a track mom today? All I can say is that one of the best up-and-coming runners at all of IWU happens to live in MY unit. Pretty sure Courtney placed 5th in the first heat of the 3200. My heart was pounding. I started talking to other track moms. I couldn't help myself.

Will you ever again watch a whole movie curled up in your chair like a hamster? Never. I may be a permanent hunchback. Or a permanent complainer. I'm up for anything. Go for it -- remove my spine with a rusty can opener. I'll take it.

Are you a friend failure? I'm actually climbing the ladder in Friendland right now. I called Spencer and Nick on the PHONE!

Did you enjoy the opera today? Always. I brought the opera "glasses" I made as a joke my freshman year. Nothing classier than fake specs made out of aluminum, a pencil, a toilet paper role, and scotch tape.

Good? Night.

Focus verse

1 Thessalonians 5:16-24

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it."

Here is my mission statement for the semester.

affirmation

Blog related:

To whomever is reading this: I like that you're reading this.

To Anne, Danielle, Kylee, both Nicks, Spencer, etc: I like that you comment. I read your comments. I am amused and encouraged by your comments.

Today related:

Noelle, your collapsing ceiling, broken oven handle, burnt muffins, dilapidated "love" book, patience, outfit for tomorrow... I can't express how endearing I find you. Thanks for letting me store fudgsicles in your freezer.

Emily, you know this- But even when you're not feelin' it... you just give me the fuzzies. Your smile and the way you repeat yourself and joke around... we have a great symbiotic relationship. I think we do. If you don't, then let's DTR right now. I'll treat you to McConn.

Lauren, I like that we have something new in common. I'm excited to walk with you this semester. We'll laugh, we'll cry. It could be taco supreme. (I say TACO supreme sometimes. If that confuses you, just remove the taco in your head. Then it makes more sense.)

Anne, you're taking a shower at 1:30 in the morning. I'm so, so thankful you're my roommate. I'm so glad we're in the same place. I'm so glad you like interesting music. I'm so glad that I know how to respect when you need space and that you respect that I have to verbally hash out everyyyyythiiinnng.

Allison, you were my closest friend my freshman year of college. We connected SO quickly and we could have the deepest or the shallowest conversation at the blink of an eye- (I began to type blink of a HAT... as in "drop of a hat"... maybe I'll start saying that. Blink of a hat.) I'm encouraged by your growth and commitment to God. I'm infinitely thankful for your commitment to prayer.

Jimmy Rassi, what a good friend you are. I'm glad we're friends. It's cool to see God sustain you through something hard. Very, very cool. You are a great encourager and, I believe, quite a creative mind.

Mary Beth, Ashley, Chelsea, Jess -- I've seen you go through various levels of struggles, and I've seen you pick God. Gosh, you LEGIT have suuuch great senses of humor AND I so admire your hearts. You're going through a big transition in life and you've got perspective. That's SO cool. I wish I could see all the amazing strengths, talents, abilities, and experiences that God has seen in your lives. I eat up my time with each of you. Know that I'm serious. Coffee soon again.

I could go on and on and on... God is totally affirming me. I'm utterly blessed in my relationships. I'm SO blessed. I can't get over it. I hope I never get over it. Those are just my thoughts from conversations I've had TODAY. Just today! Crazy! My word.

PS- art night went SO well and I got totally affirmed by my practicum scores from last semester. I feel like this is the harvest, and I need to actively think about how to sow the seeds. That's a thought for tomorrow, for sure.

I have a brain doppelgänger who turns over coins for me

Since I was on duty, I walked up and down the stairs... a LOT tonight. I noticed a penny sitting on one of the stairs, but didn't bother to pick it up. Tails was facing up. I know my stuff: ladders, black cats, broken mirrors... you don't pick up a penny that's not facing you. Bad luck and all that.

I always walk up stairs 2 at a time. If I'm with someone, I'll "compromise" and do it slower -- but I almost always keep to the every-other-step rule. As I skipped over the penny tonight, I

thought to turn it over -- then the next person to see it could have a little good luck. (I could throw that sap on a table and knead it and stretch it into some sort of taffy... something legitimate that you could chew on... a life metaphor. If you don't pick up the penny, why not turn it over for the next person? Yeah, that would be a good stuff.) ...

So ANYWAYS, I just walked up the stairs to scavenge some munchies and caffeine... and the penny was facing UP.

Somebody in the dorm has my brain, but with follow-through. Intimidating.

wrong foot

UNLIKE Mr. Christopher Arney (who deserves congratulations), I've started off on the wrong academic foot this semester. I'm doing okay, but not great.

Time to shuffle-step and get things together. I've also got to fill out paperwork for an event and get together all the supplies for art night. Anne and I are having Jeanette and Elle over for tea Tuesday night.

As Miss Emily Larson would say (who also deserves congratulations), it's as though each thing is a bone -- something that will hold up a healthy week. But with my lack of preparation, there is no cartilage between each piece. If I'm not careful, they'll crunch together.

This chick who is reading Sense and Sensibility online has a weepy voice. It's the love child between Eeyore and Marta Tillet's "funny voice."

Life Aces Me

Anne and I have found we are on the same page in certain ways, and now we get to keep each other accountable in life. Always an excellent roommate situation. I mean, I sleep right next to her. Beautiful.

Yesterday was a day of cards, chatting, and chilling. Nick, Kayla, Anne, and Mike all sat around the fire with me at various times. SPEAKING of victory, did I mention that Nick

and I went 9 and NIL in one round of spades? And 4 and NIL in another? And heaven knows what else in another? Those were good times. Little moments of sweetness. As I said last night, it was like watching a sunset... while witnessing a car crash.

Now I'm filling out leadership and staff application recommendations.

THEN we'll clean! THEN we'll have a birthday party! THEN maybe some doubles ping pong! THEN Truth or Truth. Gotta take advantage of the freshman experience.

On my sleeve

A lot of people "wear their feelings on their sleeves." They feel deeply and can't help but allow it to seep out of their pores and drip off their fingertips. I have been told I am a very expressive person, but sometimes I think I'm a little bit different. Many think what they feel -- I do... to a point.

Mostly, I feel what I think. I wear my thoughts on my sleeve. When I am thinking deeply, people know. Sometimes I give people the most intense looks and they think I want to knife them in their sleep. No, I'm just weaving.

I twist a thread of class, a thread of relationship, a thread of emotion or opinion -- I weave together my thoughts and make connections. Imaginary conversations, introspection, reflection: it's a pass-time that tends to render my face useless. Don't mind "screen saver mode." I'm only weaving.

Because I promised ;)

Some random musings about sound, schnauzers, and saints.

Dear Ashley

Because you asked, I'll update my blog tomorrow, mk?

Also, it'll be a video post. I would do it now, but I have HOMEWORKS.

Additionally. It is quiet hours and I hear little voices and doors. What's all the hubbub, Bub? Don't make me come out there.

Worship

I want to worship God in everything I say and do. I want to glorify Him always.

I'm feeling attacked in that.

"Each one should use whatever gifts he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, she should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 4:8-11a

"Now that you have privileged yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart." 1 Peter 1:22

David

A man after God's own heart. I wonder if that's a title anyone is capable of holding. I think it might be.

He lived with utter confidence that anything could be done through God's strength. I'm not sure if David was a naturally humble person, but I think he understood humility. He was wise.

I'm reading through I Samuel.

When I don't know the answer, I make a "flustered" noise

Today I was stumped by that question. What do I want? Usually the answer is nothing. I'm not wanting. I am content. But some questions demand a preference. They reject ambivalence. There are pros and cons to everything in life, but in reality I can't walk the fence on every issue. I probably shouldn't -- on any issue.

When reality confuses me because of its real-ness... because of the fact that its here and now and imperfect and squinty around the edges...

it makes me want to throw my computer and my books and everything out a window. I can't live life through the foggy lense of text or internet or worlds that don't exist. I want to live.

And with every moment, I want to respond as a person. A person with identity and preferences and emotion. A person who relies so heavily on God that I will be able to discern what to do and who to be. And when God opens the floodgates wide with "What do you want?" I'll be comforted in his approval and utterly devoted to whatever glorifies Him most.

Podcast

Probably going to start one of those. First I need to sew up a sock and do some homework.

Joy

Besides the little bump when my alarm didn't go off (still a mystery!) and I was 20 minutes late for day one/class one... it was an excellent start to the semester.

I normally shy away from hellos, but it's been great seeing everyone! I feel so full of energy and ready to start the semester... I also feel very comfortable and at peace with life. My Jane Austen class, even though it will be a lot of work, will be NOTHING in comparison to Mark Twain last semester. :D

I've gotten my books and established most of my schedules. I LOVE putting together schedules and typing syllabus information onto my calendar. I love figuring out when I'll be doing what. It's all like a puzzle, and I've been enjoying the prep work to make sure my semester starts out organized. :)

Tidbits: I'll be on duty tonight. I talked to Nick Rassi and Jackie today about Rwanda. Jackie's reaction was priceless. We're going to be good friends -- I like her. :] I'm drinking tea and, after I finish my iCal stuff, will begin to read for class.

The snow has been beautiful. If you just listen: everything's muffled and silenced in the snow. The snow says, "Be still and know that I am God." It's great. Today is joy. :)

I celebrate my 21st with apple juice on a plane. I toast to the back of the seat in front of me. ;)

Plane flight --> sat next to twitchy Magee and Jane Nod-Off. Geez, they were tired.

Kayla picked me up :] and gave me a sandwich. Then I got to see Nolly, Lauren, Julie, and Lindsay. We ate at PAYNES. I love Paynes. :]

Then we came back and South's staff sang happy birthday and we all played fish bowl together. I love South's staff. I love games. :]

Then we did traditional North hall staff birthday encouragement time as we ate Hershey pie. :] :] ... :]

My clean clothes smell like plane mildew -- but no biggie! I have tomorrow to relax, do laundry, put things away, and begin enjoying birthday tea. :]

I say this as my eyes droop and my fingers falter, but it's still true: I'm giddy with thankfulness. What a perfectly comfortable birthday.

Tomorrow

I get on a plane at 5 am

I say goodbye to California

I say hello to fog breathing luggage guy, flashlight security man, ticket dinging smiley woman, inevitable old people on my left and right, my safe and sorry luggage, arms outstretching Kabob, Indiana

I'm 21.

"Bentie"

Teaser: My friends here call me Bentie. It's my "Shelty name." :)

Today I woke up quite late for the last time in order to take a little walkie talkie with Katrina Swanson. Katch. Swannish. Whatever you want to call her. She's legitimately one of the best conversationalists. And she's smart as heck, too. I want to steal all of the things she knows. Or get them on a flash drive. Something. Especially because then I would have cooking knowledge. I mean, poli sci, debate, literature, research, music -- that's all good. But if I can eat well... shoot. I'm so glad we're friends. We'll walk more over the summer.

But wait. There's more. So I go to Shelty's house and Kim, Matt, and Chrispy are there! Well... I drove Chrisper there. No surprises. But still. Shelty made tacos and a cake that simply says "Bentie" on it. Love at first bite. We played bananagrams, Hand & Foot, and psychiatrist. In the latter, we answered as the 4 fingers, 4 flavors (spicy, sour, bitter, sweet), 4 themes from high school spirit week, and the 4 suits in a deck of cards. We ate tacos, cake, and peanut butter cups and drank tea. What a happy, happy time.

Afterwards there was the traditional lounge and talk session, where we discussed relationships, homecoming memories, love languages, plans for the future, and college. Shelty gave me a journal she made for my birthday!! Perfect perfect.

I don't get excited about birthday things until I'm on the cusp of my birthday. Then it hits me. Tomorrow I'm 21! That sounds like fun. I wonder if I'll get hyper and annoy people sitting next to me on the plane... time will tell.

Tomorrow I have a sushi date with my dad. Very much looking forward to that. A little sad about leaving my family so soon... which means I'm growing up ;) So excited to see IWU friends though! :)

under construction

Reworking a design. Keep that in mind. :)

Plan B

After a delightful impromptu sleepover with Shelty last night, I decided that today was a good day for a mission. It was blue skies, and man -- I was going to take advantage of those pavy streets and that quarter tank of gas.

Plan A (mission numero uno) was a straight up fail. Several stores; neither teas that were on my list.

Plan B. Tea strainer!! I think I found something that is the right size and has enough coordination to ride a pachyderm. Aka -- my elephant teapot, Fyo (FEE-OH). While at Target, I also found a couple books I've had my eye on. So... no new tea, but I've got my hands full of some fun reading.

Now that the parents, Ben, Becca, and I have finished spicy uno, I'm a-gunna read and drink Rwandan tea. Mueller-family-approp.

200th post for 2011

Happy New Year! I was expecting to get several excited texts about the New Year from people east of Nevada -- but apparently that side of the world is too busy boozin' it up.

We're at Spencer's grandparent's empty house. We're playing sardines and name-everyone-in-our-class. We're eating lasagna and too much breads and dips. Spencer brought his good tea and I've been inhaling it. (Inhaling=quickly sipping in the hot drink world.)

Can we just give a moment for Chelsea, who hid in a cabinet that was less than 8 inches wide? Can we have a moment for David Freakin Sommers, who managed to pinpoint the 64th person in our class after everyone else gave up? A bowed head or two for the slow-exposure photos in front of a window overlooking the bay in all it's San Francisco buildinged, golden-gated beauty??

It's the last hour of 2010. We are so blessed, are we not? HECK. YESweare.

Then Nick, Spencer, Shelty, Matt, Anna, Granma, Brittany, and I sat in a circle in our sleeping bags and prayed in the new year. I have no words -- the body of believers... who are my best friends? It's too good to be true. It's straight up Kingdom.

Click here to see photos from the night on Nick's blog :)