sometimes

Sometimes things happen. Sometimes the state decides to build a giant trench of orange coned construction around the airport. Sometimes GPS's don't know that places change. Sometimes GPS's don't realize that airports don't exist anymore, but they insist on their mother's grave that you HAVE ARRIVED. Sometimes you try and find your way around big cities and it doesn't work, so you have to ask for directions.

Sometimes people miss their plane flights.

Sometimes saved seats turn into standby seats.

Sometimes people sit in the Phoenix airport for three hours and blog about it.

Sometimes they don't have anything else to do but blog. Just sayin'

summer

classes are over, homework is turned in. all that is left is a seminar tomorrow. they will cage my little bird spirit from 8 until 3, and then they will release me to the sky.

kayla and i are a little sad about the whole end of the year thing. i'm not huge on goodbyes... or hellos. but i'm ridiculously fond of everything in between. and this year's "everything in between" has been great so far. after i fly home, i look forward to an equally good (though more mysterious and ambiguous) everything in between.

"nuggets," as kayla would say

- I'm back in my instrumental music kick. Hard work means no-singing-along. I've never seen Atonement, but the soundtrack is hauntingly good. Although, I just have my philosophy final tomorrow... so... time to crank some tunes.

- Today I spent about 20 minutes in a pine tree with a couple other people trying to coax baby ducks into a box so we could get them to an animal rescue place. I had to leave before we succeeded and I walked into my final... with literal twig pieces in my hair. Huey, Dewey, and Louie -- the best to ya.

- Last night, the unit gave me 50 billion bags of tea as an end-of-the-year thank you. They're obviously awesome.

- Our room is a cesspool.

- Kayla Maree Johnson is hysterical. She will be my roommate for 3 more days.

- OH HEY! Did I mention I made it into the Teacher Education Program? Yes, you can take that "Pre-" right off the beginning of my "English Education" major, thanks.

gurgle gurgle

I was in the middle of a cafe' sipping on a mocha and studying french. Life was good. Then the door swung open and the little man walked in. He couldn't have been taller than 5 inches... but I didn't have a ruler, so, I dunno. Enamored with my foreign conjugations, I didn't notice the little gnome crawl up my leg and hop right into my mouth. He went down with a sip of mocha and landed- plunk- in my stomach.

That basically happened. Short story long, my french exam has been postponed until tomorrow.

I woke up an hour and a half before I was supposed to give a presentation on the 540 page book I read this week. Had I started the presentation? Pish posh. I'd only finished the book yesterday! In the course of 20 seconds, every drawer in the room was open, scissors were cutting, pictures were printing, string was strunging, markers were marking aaaaaaaaaaannd- done. RUN-NO.WALKwithdignity to class.

3 hours hours hours of presentations later, I ate dinner. I've now brought me to now. I would say that I've brought you to now, but the "now" that I'm talking about will inevitably be "then" by the time that you reach now.

I will now foresooth: "Publish Post." Grammar work. Grammar studying. Sleep.

straight up french pressed

this blog post is straight up french pressed. meaning: a) it's brought to you by french pressed goodness surging through bethany's spidery fingertips. b) it's going to be quick 'n' easy.

i just remembered a small part of last wednesday. jeanette jain, the campus thespian, happened to give away the secret that katelyn barnart and i held so dearly -- namely, that we would be dressing up like kayla and bobby look-a-likes (or, kobby. whichever). since this was not a first-time offense, we texted jeanette rebukingly.

jeanette proceeded to come to lunch wearing a sign of woe and warning. a soothsaying harbinger of her inevitable whispers, if you will.

jeanette jain, never change.

Whirlwind

Usually people wear one "outfit" a day. Have you noticed this? The same pair of pants, the same shoes, shirt, jacket, etc. This fine Wednesday, however, I broke this mold. Today was a whirlwind. Observe:

6:00 am. Outfit one [Purpose: Prayer walk] This part of my day is self explanatory. Post-walk breakfast talk was centered around Dr. Burden and Colonial Latin America. Did you just feel a cold breeze slip through the non-existent crags of your room? Burden chills.

7:45 am. Outfit two [Purpose: Grammar presentation] Dangling participles (Don't leave 'em hangin'! Haha. Am I right? Am I right?)

9:00 am. Outfit three [Purpose: Fool Kayla into thinking I'm NOT dressing up like her for chapel] See the next outfit.

10 am. Outfit four [Purpose: Dressing up in Kayla's clothes so that Katelyn Barnhart and I could be Kayla/Bobby look-a-likes.] Important elements: plaid, chucks, glasses.

-Outfit four actually lasted through lunch and a french test. It was a survivor. But you can only be a survivor so long until somebody hands you a giant slug and tells you that thing better go down smooth. Then you cave. In THIS case, I told the outfit I was going on a bike ride. Slugs... bike rides... same thing.

3 pm. Outfit five [Purpose: Bike ride to Meyer] There isn't a lot of sidewalk on the way to Meyer. It was epic.

-I had been running off 4 hours of sleep, so I took the quickest of cat naps.

-French press coffee

-Last unit dinner! STEAK night! (PS- sizzling salads for lunch today FOR THE WIN) Food has been really exciting lately... I don't know what this means about me... I don't smoke weed. DTR.

-2nd cup of coffee via Beth Huffman, who is a dolllllllll

Okay. Here's the story of the Talent Show.

I MC-ed with Caitie Merz, who is awesome. Confession: I stalked her on facebook and one of her favorite bands is The Format... and also fun. Caitie Merz, I have decided we will be friends. Kayla and I performed a juggling act and snagged 3rd place. While the scores were being tallied, we needed to stall -- so I performed a portion of Horton Hears a Who.

Julae was probably my favorite act, but she didn't place! Julae, you placed in my heart with your song about Ross Melon. Polygamy, young love, murder plots... all in one epic acoustic song?!

I was running on 2 cups of steaming caffeine and pumped from the adrenaline that public speaking/goofing off brings. Even though the back of my head holds a foreboding thought that I talked too much or something, hindsight has decided that it was SO much fun.

Just in case you were wondering, I am still wearing outfit numero five-o.

End.

pass down

We just did leadership pass down, where I gave a gift/artifact to next year's hall chaplain, Annastasia. I also gave her the gift passed down last year and the year before that. It made me ridiculously sentimental about this year -- my desire to live within the confines of my sophomore year of high school was squished by the reality of finals next week like a jelly sandwich under a fallen piano. In short (or, rather, in long) I feel squished.

I want to play board games with my roommate, I want to play murder in the townhouses, I want to help with thousands of church dinners- even if it means getting sick of hand pressed tortillas!, I want to commune with people here forever.

I'd like a hug.

relinquishing

Last night I was asked questions that I had heard before... but for the first time, they were from someone who meant them. Someone who had been through so much that they couldn't fathom God's love, or even His very existence.

No matter how much I desired it, no matter how deeply I felt, knew, believed in a Faithful Father myself...

Yesterday I learned that hearts and cars are not the same. Hearts can't be jumped.

it just happens

The weather is beautiful today. I was able to lie outside of the lodge gazebo in the sun while listening to acoustics at Card Me. The grass was dry and bugs did not crawl on me. What more could I ask for? Kayla and I attempted badminton and did not succeed.

The sermon this morning was from 1 John 3. It was all about God's love and our need to get to know Christ and keep taking in His love so we can dish it out and so on. God has given me a fascination for His love that I hope I never lose.

Some delightful soul left Ramen noodles outside our door. Isn't that great? It is. It will be my 4th meal tonight :)

It just happens. Despite all these things that would normally boost my spirit, I am in a funk. I don't think it's been overt, but my heart feels angsty. It just goes to show that our environment doesn't completely control our emotions. There is something deeper in there as well. This is a very specific feeling that I often get coupled with anxiety. It's an odd desire- to want to withdraw from everyone but feel discontent when alone. It will fade sooner than later. I have put on my Sherlock Holmes hat and deducted that the following things might be weighing on me:

-End of the year goodbye-dread?

-Seniors graduating sadness?

-Unwillingness to fully accept the changes that next year will bring?

-Longing for relationship with God that I haven't fully embraced?

-Tiredness?

hodson half and spotted cow

this morning i lept out of bed and drove around until i found the 12th mile mark for the hodson half-marathon. katelyn was there throwing gatorade and water at runners and stressing over the fact that they sent the 1st five runners the wrong direction. i then promptly hopped back into the car and raced into a parking space, JUST to miss kayla and bobby crossing the finish line.

Bethany's Awards Ceremony

Cutest Couple (nominated by Emily Schrock): Kayla and Bobby. Kayla Johnson, my beloved roommate and dear friend, sprinted the end with Bobby and immediately heaved onto the pavement. What a finish for the two of them.

Tear-Jerker Finish: Shawn Clark pushed Lauren Pena in a wheel chair the entire marathon and finished in 2 hours, 7 minutes. His remark afterward, "That felt great!"

The Noelle Hagen Award (to the most serious marathon runner): Natalie Collins

Chariots of Fire Award: Aaron Morrison raced past David Mui to finish 1 hour, 33 minutes. An hour after it was over, he was still gripping the wall and hollering.

The spotted cow included many bands (The Seedy Seeds!!), henna, an outdoor lounge, inflatable games (oh... which I didn't do...), and WIND. It was windy. It was so windy. It was ridiculously windy. I don't really remember anything but the wind. But it was good times.

On the right are a couple of the Spotted Cow posters. I have, indeed, collected all six from all over campus.

these three remain

Faith. I have faith in salvation, in Christ's worth, in God's glory.

Hope. I have hope in Christ's return. I have hope for my future. I even have hope for good stuff in this world. :)

Love. I have God's love. Always. Isn't that SWEET?

Hope is centered on our desire to be something, faith is centered on our desire to have something, and love is centered on God's very being. ... the greatest of these is love.

you know what's beautiful?

the lack of stress that pervades this perfectly lit week. i feel as though i've stumbled upon the proverbial "greener-grass" side of the hill.

i feel as though i'm wrapped in a psychological blanket where worry exists outside of it, but really doesn't affect what's inside... which i suppose... would be my psyche?

Here is a verse I have been thinking about recently: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." It's in Ephesians ;)

i'd also like to note Biblegateway's humor, for a moment. as someone who filed their taxes minutes before the deadline today at the post office, i recognize the irony of the Verse of the Day: “This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” -Romans 13:6-7

balloons can float and balloons can pop

Today Kearsten, my mentor and friend, ate with me for the last official time. We talked about the future and decided that neither of us knew what was going to happen, but we were both optimistic. I can't begin to express my thankfulness for Kearsten. She has so much joy and enthusiasm and energy. She loves Jesus and people so much. Unfortunately for IWU, but very fortunately for some other unknowns, she is graduating.

I have a tendency to express myself in analogies. I told Kearsten that I felt as though she was holding onto balloons and floating slowly away, leaving me on the ground. She laughed and admitted that she thought I was going to say that we were both holding onto balloons, but her balloons were popping and she was falling. What different approaches to the same concept.

I haven't been very sad about this year ending, but as I think about Kearsten leaving, along with some other seniors that I have the opportunity to get to know, I finally start to realize the implications of Time.

But I think I'm going to pretend like it's my choice for now. I can choose to take another balloon or I can choose for a balloon to pop. Here's the part where I hold out my hand expectantly. I'm ready.

stool. lights. snaps. poetry.

Here's the intro to my 3 poem compilation that makes up my autobiography of my childhood. Wrote it for Adolescent Literature. I might include the 3 poems sometime, like when I get back my journal.

Summaries are

back flap of the book

jokester wiki article

sawdust in the engine

sound that a chick makes

cheap.

This is

glimpses of a

stranger

through the

gaps

of a passing train- train- train.

for lack of a better name: entry 41

Sometimes Steak and Shake puts chocolate chips in, sometimes it doesn't. S&S is a fickle, fickle mistress(?), my friend. This fine night, she withheld the chocolate chips, but dumped a can of fudge in the bottom of my eco-unfriendly styrofoam cup. So as I suck down chocolate fudge, I will spin you the tale of today. Or rather, the random bits that, in their supposed brevity, make up my day:

To my chagrin, I watched the 2's and 3's in church. I signed up for the 4's and 5's, but when I got there, the tables had been turned and I was left hanging upside down with 4 incoherent children who were old enough to say "Mine" but too young to understand the intricacies of Playdough cookie cutters.

Now to a section I'd like to title, "Luckily for me-"

-Luckily for me, Creed's mom left without telling me his name. Now lacy pink Hannah said "His name is Cweed" and jelly chin Tristin said, "Nuh uh. Not Cweed," and "Cweed/Not Cweed" shrugged. I bribed a 2 year old for his name today.

-Luckily for me, I was left to my own devices after being told to "Make a ton of lemonade" during pre-BBQ set up. I got a little wet... a lot wet... I had to go back to the dorm and change.

-Luckily for me, I left my cell phone somewhere on campus and it's dead. I checked Lost and Found, the info desk, and the couches of McConn and Bowman. More people have called it than a concert ticket chucking radio station. I am cell phone-less. Call me Neanderthal.

Back to real life. The BBQ was fun and, for once in the history of church BBQ's, I sat next to and met someone new. Well, I've sat next to people from the community before, but never Taylor people. Fraternization, they call it. ... Not really. So, Brian-track runner-Physics Math Ed major, it was nice to meet you. Along with Brittany and Sean.

I spoon fed myself some homework instead of taking a nap. Snaps for Bethany. [GB's bit about complaining about homework was hysterical. Historical. Somethin'. "YEAH. WE ALL HAVE HOMEWORK. WE'RE-IN-COLL-EGE. JUST STOP." The amount of times that Kayla and I have imitated the high pitched look-at-me-mom voice today is like jail cell fingernail mark epic.]

I'm contemplating "living as a child of light." Ephesians has such a great passage about that and, to me, it seems pretty applicable to our "modern" lives. How many times can I use quotations in one "entry"?

When I saw this armchair swing hanging off the tree outside of Hodson, I mentally applauded. I don't know many people from Hodson, but I admire their innovation. What? Yes. I did take this off a stranger's facebook.

chains and poems

applebee's with the captain, kayla, and bobby.

break the chain human trafficking event happened today. block [singing, rapping, painting, playing, biking, laughing] party. orange t-shirts unite.

glee.

sonic run. i was mom.

um more glee.

i'm writing about a poem about myself. ... for a class.

Swinging

:) I was feeling God's joy. Then worry about next year. But it's a wonder what a good class and a little Wilbur Chapel /aka time with God/ will do for a wavering soul.

;) There is a Spotted Cow poster in Goodman with Edgar Allen Poe on it that I want. "Quoth the Spotted Cow, Nevermore," it says. Chuckle.

:| When I see people that are facing me writing, I sometimes think they're left-handed.

:] The Shatford Crazy Duck of the Year complimented my waldo sweater.

:[ I've discovered that I don't like it when people don't take my word for things. That's something that I need to be aware of -- the truth is what's most important. I think sometimes I take things personally because I put such high value in being trusted as a reliable source.

:] I handed in my last two metacognitive papers, only to be given another. Ha.

:) I turned in my Management Plan today only to remember/discover that it wasn't due until Monday. Mk, cool.

so... somebody's going to be in a lot of trouble.

I was walking with Kayla to class this morning and there, upon the white pillars outside of Burns, sat Bill and Gloria Gaither. It was fascinating. I'm sure that was NOT an easy job, so I documented the feat with my phone.

book sculptures.

i stumbled across a woman who uses books like modeling clay. i'm absolutely enamored. before i even knew what the picture was, i had picked my favorite. it's titled Alice: Through the Looking Glass. ironic.

take a look http://www.sublackwell.co.uk/gallery.php?item=99&id=1#99

that rich, dimming color that everything takes on as the sky pales and pinkens

1. It's that time of evening. It's a beautiful thing that it's that time of evening and it's 8 o' clock at night. What a Divine bear hug.

2. Tonight it's supposed to thunderstorm. Weather.com told me about it in theory, but the wind that blows Kayla's papers off the patio furniture is the true harbinger. Pre-thunderstorm humidity is like the deep breath before the plunge. You already feel wet and everything becomes hushed. Mmm, it's exciting and calming at the same time.

3. There's a certain sound that I've liked since I was 8 or 9. Indistinct chattering and mumbling from people in the distance. I feel wrapped-in-a-blanket content when I'm in a comfortable environment and I hear people talking to one another. When I lived in the white house with the navy blue shutters in Michigan, I would wake up in the morning to the sound of my parents making breakfast, drinking coffee, and speaking in don't-wake-the-children voices. I liked this sound. I couldn't hear what they were saying and their tone wasn't overtly pleasant, but it was... snug... calm... relaxed. What a gross misconception -- that people always need to be happy. But comfort, that is a good Gift that we don't always take. I don't mean physical luxury when I use the word "comfort." I mean... psychological comfort. Contentedness with one's environment. Contentedness. What a warming sound.

happy easter

Professor Hilbert finishes the manuscript.

He puts it down on the couch next to him.

PROFESSOR HILBERT

(pause)

It's... it's okay.

She turns to him.

KAY

It's not great

PROFESSOR HILBERT

No. But... it's okay. It's not bad. Not the most amazing piece of American literature in several years but... it's okay.

KAY

(pause)

You know, I think I'm fine with okay.

PROFESSOR HILBERT

It doesn't make any sense with the rest of the book though.

KAY

No. Not yet. I'll re-write the rest. My assistant said, she said she'd go back to the publisher and request more time.

He looks at her.

PROFESSOR HILBERT

Why?

KAY

I'm sorry.

PROFESSOR HILBERT

Why did you change it?

KAY

(pause)

Lots of reasons. But... I realized I couldn't do it.

PROFESSOR HILBERT

Because he's real?

KAY

No. Because...

(pause)

It's a book about a man who doesn't know he's about to die... then dies. But if the man does know he's going to die, and dies anyway... dies willingly, knowing he could stop it... isn't that the type of man you want to keep alive?

stranger than non-fiction. how do ya like those apples?

morning rain. 55 degrees? what? leave. lock myself out. go to lunch. read Speak. read more. call shara. borrow some keys. back in the room. laundry. clean. dinner with real people. read Inexcusable. nap.

... kayla's face above me. wake up. grab kayla's dinner. stranger than fiction. late night steak and shake run. internet meandering. finish Speak--sleep.

on the left is next year's staff. it has nothing to do with today. enjoy eastside's beauty.

that cricket-y noise you only hear when there's nothing else to hear

If I didn't love Jesus, I would be kind of freaked out. The-rapture-happened-and-now-I'm-left-with-all-the-murderers-and-rapists-and-secular-music-owners freaked out. That is the kind of empty that pervades our little Christian campus: Christian campus rapture empty.

(Note on the weather: it was 78 degrees outside when I woke up. Truth be told, I didn't wake up until after lunch (tsk, never again), but it was SEVENTY-EIGHT degrees. And you know what it is now?! Probably about the same! So I trekked my way out to Goodman lawn, parked myself under a tree, kicked off my shoes, and graded a metacognitive paper.)

Anecdote of the day, possibly the week, and definitely the month: A bird flew over me and POOPED on the paper I was grading.

I wiped it off with my blanket.

It looks like a coffee stain.

Unnamed student will never know.

I'm going to grab a Sojourn and read it outside.

april fools

Today is my second favorite holiday. I like the concept of jokes and pranks and fun, harmless trickery. I didn't have the time or energy to celebrate the holiday today... in any way... but I'm celebrating inside haha -- I've always kind of enjoyed the physical prank (TPing, re-arranging furniture, filling pillowcases with billions of hole punches) as opposed to the verbal trickery, since that can go awry. Maybe that's just me.

I'm about to give Kayla her unbirthday present. I was going to wait because I thought I had to wait. Apparently, though, converse sends it's mail on the wings of eagles. Hence, there is a little Kayla-foot-sized box wrapped in Sojourn skin sitting in front of me in McConn. Noelle tried to convince me to wait, and Thinking Bethany would wait. Unfortunately it's Easter Break and Feeling Bethany is going to indulge in her excitement.

Mini anecdote: My Philosophy class is in one of those rooms that are all glass on one side- a fish bowl room. As visitors gorged on the beauty of our warm, energetic campus, they strolled by our room, being lead by a tour guide. Dr. Burson stopped us in the middle of our breakout discussion and yelled "Everyone turn around and wave! Smile and wave!" So everyone laughed and turned around and waved to the tour group and they LOOOOOOVED it. They're all coming here, I'm sure. Even the moms. Especially the moms.

stream of consciousness title: awkward pegasus

I'm finished with my TEP application. APRIL FOOLS! Ahaha... yeah... good times... well I just finished my e-folio (a deliciously tedious process) and I got online to print my Praxis scores at 1:01 AM. Lo and behold! I can only log on between 7 am and 1 am. Luckily, it's 1:01 AM. I then indignantly check my e-mail, which (UHHH UHHHHHH- DOOSH!) hits me in the face with this little nugget: my Praxis scores are only available online for 45 days. Which means I should've printed off my Praxis scores two weeks ago. Because I took it early. So nothing would go wrong. So I would have it, no problem, for this process. This very, very important process, process.

Now I stare at the computer as the Praxis center whispers quietly to itself "... April Foolsss..." and cackles in a wheezy way that makes me a little sick.

to be continued...