Internal Hurricane

• Got in a little car wreck. Very unfortunate. Received grace. 
• Roger's excessive laughter relieved the tension of the day. He proceeded to name "Classic Mueller" moves. Not sure if I truly appreciated that or not.
• Caught up with Megan Gilmore. She made an impact on my life early in college. I appreciated seeing her and her beautiful, smart children.
• The people at the BMV must be SO tired of me. I've been there four or five times the past two weeks. Today was my last trip. Finally.
• Amazing small group: Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your giving, be motivated by heart and soul issues, those who choose to ignore conviction can receive what they want (their own hell of isolation). I really enjoyed dialoguing with Peter Luttrell and Chelsea Pickslay.

October Reflection

This October, I fell short of a lot of things. I forgot, ignored, rebelled. I closed my eyes tight, unwilling to see any profound good.

This October, I died to a lot of things.  I forgave, apologized, knelt. I opened my eyes wide, accepting the beautiful condemnation.

This October, I hope for a lot of things. I pray: praise, petition. I focus new eyes outward, learning to trust the initial blur

that comes from acquiring God's perspective
on a different level
in a new chapter of life.

This October is different from the others.
I'm more a child
and more an adult
than I've been in a long string of Octobers.

Amidst the Scramble

Crazy. The Crossing is back from break and scrambling to get a rhythm going. Thank goodness Adam simultaneously lightens the mood and addresses areas of weakness. Thank goodness Roger is quick to laugh and quicker to care about PEOPLE. Thank goodness Jovan has systems, resources, and a sacrificial heart. Thank goodness Ciera picks up every loose end in he office, the classroom, AND the family room. Thank goodness for Chris' prayers and Miriam's encouragement.

Thank goodness I paid attention in school. Thank goodness I struggled so I can relate.

So I can relate. I can relate. A phrase that means "stuff happened with me. It was sucky. I get what you're feeling." I got to speak this tiny phrase into a student and friend Thursday. Then, by God's Great grace, I got to speak a big phrase into her life. You are Loved. Capital L love. What a privilege. What good, good news. I thank my Sovereign God that I go through "sucky stuff" so I can relate.

We're Musicians, You See

Anne, Kayla, Kyla, and I created our own vocal EP of this song tonight. If you tilt your head to the left and ignore the atonal humming and laughter-snorts, you'll find yourself entranced by our quartet of voices.

Naturally, it is now my ringtone for Harmon House.

Second First Day

Press play on the tunes below. ... Good. Now read. :)

First day of the second quarter. Several students gone. In jail, out of town, in work, out of time.

Several students present. Motivated, caffeinated.

We figured out our scheduling for the quarter. My responsibility plate is FULL. The joke at our staff meeting was "Bethany has the best job security of anyone in America." Overwhelming. Challenging. Exciting.

After discovering that certain aspects of close relationships are foreign to me, I have embarked on a journey: openly communicating through conflict and choosing patient love instead of distant irritation. My housemates keep relationships as first priority. Though I will never be as relationally driven as them, I still can learn a thing or two about daily relationship-housekeeping. I have nooks in my heart that could use dusting. We discussed life, leadership, and relationship over Dairy Queen tonight.

How many times did I use the word "relationship" in that paragraph? Five. The answer is five.

On the drive from Nashville to Marion

The drive was smooth
until 69 became one lane.

I'm Learning

"... Of course we all 'have knowledge,' as you say. This 'knowledge' breeds conceit; it is love that builds. If anyone fancies that he knows, he knows nothing yet, in the true sense of knowing. But if a man loves, he is acknowledged by God." -Paul the Apostle, as quoted by Elisabeth Elliot

Knowing friends might lessen the desire to pursue relationship with them. I'm learning that with my housemates. I thought I understood relationship. These girls are [lovingly] teaching me that I'm a dummy when it comes to closeness -- intimacy. What the HECK.

"The disposition... to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self." -T.C. Upham, as quoted by Elisabeth Elliot

But then, guess what -- you can't just learn to be close in relationship. You must learn to put that relationship repeatedly in God's hands. "God, Rachel was such a gift to me today. I want to put her in my pocket forever. ... I give my relationship with her back to you." Like that. ;)

I finished Passion and Purity last night.

From Nashville

There is a some type of scented plug-in device in the other room that releases every 10 minutes. I'm secretly pretending there is a fairy with allergies sitting in the kitchen. Every time it sneezes, I smile.

Today, I'm incapable.

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership -- Pt. 1

From the Law of Navigation... 

"If you can't confidently make the trip in your mind, you're not going to be able to take it in real life." (41)

From the Law of Addition... 

"I believe the bottom line in leadership isn't how far we advance ourselves but how far we advance others." (51)

From the Law of Connectedness...

"It's one thing to communicate to people because you believe you have something of value to say. It's another to communicate with people because you believe they have value." (118)

"To lead yourself, use your head; to lead others, use your heart." (123)

gold leaves me breathless

age

Dan Hopkins testified about the power of the Holy Spirit in a transformed life in church. I was inspired. Fall is outside our little blue house in full, golden swing. I am keenly aware of the majesty of death as it cascades beyond the window. A piece of me will always be elderly.

I finished the Mysterious Benedict Society trilogy today. Every time I read a children's book or enjoy a craft project, I'm brought back to who I was. Or rather, inside to who I am. A piece of me will always be 8 years old.

My 22 year old self is the hardest piece of me to explain. God is my Old Friend and Loving Father.

Her interactions with her parents... are HILARIOUS

Emma Stone in Easy A

Falling for Fall

• I had a good chat with Brent and Noelle in McConn. I played Solitaire.
• I made hot apple cider with Kyla. We poured it into hollowed-out apples.
• The girls are rapping in the kitchen. Anne's washing her hair with eggs.
• We're checking things off our "Fall Activities" list that I put on the white board... tomorrow we'll have a PRETEND STORM NIGHT (PSN!)

Runs in the Family

"Everyone was filled with awe"

I LOVE small group at the Petricek house. Chris, Chelsea, Liz, Amy, and the Kyles are so encouraging.

We discussed this and, yet again, the Spirit guided us beautifully. We literally had two small groups going on at the same time three feet away from each other. Our conversations apparently wove in and out of each other. How wonderful.

Gratitude is my fall mission. It's my winter mission. My spring mission. My life mission.

Weekend Accomplishments

• Threw together a KICK BUTT stir fry out of leftovers (I surprised myself on that one)
• Made parfaits with strawberries, graham crackers, and Greek yogurt
• Scrubbed a million dishes
• Cleaned the kitchen
• Laundry!!!
• Bought fall-scented candles
• Scavenged a keys basket, an on-top-of-the-fridge basket, and a newspaper basket
• Washed and spread the living room rug
• Packed the garage sale stuff into trash bags and stored them in the basement
• Pulled my winter things up from the basement
• Moved the armchair up into my room
• Re-arranged the living room furniture into the original formation that the girls liked so much
• Bought white Christmas lights and strung them above the kitchen cabinets
• Cleaned and re-hung the calendars that had been falling off the basement door
• Mounted a painting above the coffee machine
• Worked on the jigsaw puzzle
• Put my bookshelf into the hallway with all my organized books
• Repaired Rachel's broken dining room chair

Recommendation

I read and finished The Acorn People last night. It's an 80 page piece of non-fiction. Feel free to borrow if you'd like a quick, poignant read.

Kasey and I had...

... a fruitful trip to Fort Wayne, where we got to talk a ton and eat at Cheddars.
... an unfruitful trip to Fort Wayne, where the computer people refused to help me with my laptop.

Chelsea, Mary Beth, and Ashley came over tonight. We lit candles and drank hot cocoa and ate popcorn and talked a ton. It was so relaxing.

I finished a book: The Gutter.

I'm pantomiming throwing confetti at you. Be proud.

"If our greatest need had been information, God would have sent an educator. If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent a scientist. If our greatest need had been money, God would have sent an economist. But since our greatest need was forgiveness, God sent us a Savior."

-Roy Lessin as quoted by Craig Gross in The Gutter

quality times

Anne and I had our Harmon date at Paynes this evening. It was the warmest fall day. I loved just talking. We're working on developing technology to unhinge people's faces so that they can be easily cleaned out when they have sinus infections. Anyone's welcome on board.

Rachel and I spent time together at McConn, time together watching Friends, time together biking, and time together playing MadLibs. Since Rachel is the best listener in the world, she was able to read "Lie Fizz Booty Fell" and immediately translate it into "LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!" She crushed me, 70 to 57. It was a fun loss. :)

Geeking Out

My dear friend Zach Arneson came over to Harmon House yesterday to figure out what Hogwarts House he would be in.

We cross referenced key phrases and concepts from the original Sorting Hat songs as well as JK Rowling's descriptions of the houses from Pottermore.com. We THEN spiced things up with an MBTI analysis of each Hogwarts House. What were Zach's results after all the merriment and tomfoolery? Unfortunately, we ran out of time.

In case you were wondering, a nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

I am a nerd and a geek. As is Mr. Arneson.

I feel so broken.

I overbooked myself.

The Creation Museum was great. I liked my Mia, Heather, and Taresa group. I was DONE with the day, unfortunately, a few hours before the day was done.

After a day out Saturday and a day out today and a day out tomorrow, I'm ready to have a million days in.