and scene.

Graham threw a fit, so I put down my painting to save his aids. (They're put in this awkward position when Graham gets violent -- they can't do anything, but they're supposed to do something. And they feel bad, but he's intimidating. It's embarrassing for them, I'm sure. They're being watched, so they simultaneously want to do something and don't want to do something.)

Mom and the two aids watched as I took Graham's gameboy player and fixed it. Graham sat on the dining room table, screaming. I gave it to him, but he was already over the edge -- it didn't matter that it was fixed. There was hair pulling and arm scratching and gameboy throwing, but I just looked at him and said, "You know what? Let's get off the table and go upstairs. I'm going to sit on you."

I told the aids to take a seat downstairs since Graham was overstimulated. Then I told him he couldn't get on his computer and pinned him on the bed. He screamed and tried to kick me, but I just held him there with a pillow between us. The squashing helps him calm down. I slowly counted to twenty, sometimes squeezing him, sometimes counting in a funny voice. He screamed and slowly loosened up -- then started to laugh. I told him to take one big breath, then let him up. When he got up, I told him to apologize, so he patted me on the shoulder.

Then I went downstairs and tidied up and talked to the aids so they would feel more comfortable. After a while, I've retreated back upstairs.

I don't mind Graham's fits, but I really don't like being watched by people who won't ever understand.