When I don't know the answer, I make a "flustered" noise

Today I was stumped by that question. What do I want? Usually the answer is nothing. I'm not wanting. I am content. But some questions demand a preference. They reject ambivalence. There are pros and cons to everything in life, but in reality I can't walk the fence on every issue. I probably shouldn't -- on any issue.

When reality confuses me because of its real-ness... because of the fact that its here and now and imperfect and squinty around the edges...

it makes me want to throw my computer and my books and everything out a window. I can't live life through the foggy lense of text or internet or worlds that don't exist. I want to live.

And with every moment, I want to respond as a person. A person with identity and preferences and emotion. A person who relies so heavily on God that I will be able to discern what to do and who to be. And when God opens the floodgates wide with "What do you want?" I'll be comforted in his approval and utterly devoted to whatever glorifies Him most.