the Muellers

My dad's parents are hilarious... and I'm not quite sure they know it.

Conversation One

Bethany: Grandpa, what are collared greens?

Grandpa: Ohh... you know... they're leafy... uh... black people eat them.

Grandma: Whaat?

Grandpa: I'm serious.

Grandma: Black people eat them? Everybody -- all kinds of people--

Grandpa: I'm just saying that they're known for eating them.

Grandma: They're not known for eating anything!

Grandpa: I didn't say anything wrong. You tell me where I went wrong.

Bethany: Dad, what are collared greens?

Dad: Any green plant. Anything leafy that's "colored green." Haha.

Conversation Two

Bethany: Grandpa, do you have black squirrels in Michigan?

Grandpa: Oh yeah.

Grandma: That's all we have. We see some grey squirrels and some brown squirrels... but they're mostly black.

Grandpa: "There goes the neighborhood."

Grandma: Lou.

Grandpa: Nooo... I'm just pulling your leg.

Grandma: Well, they're skinny squirrels too. And they don't have those bushy tails. They're all over the place with little skinny tails. Actually, maybe they're just rats.

... I promise my grandparents aren't racist.